How many times have you heard your kids say, “I’m bored!”
I remember cringing the first time I heard that phrase. How could they be bored? There’s a room full of books, toys and other things to do. We have a big backyard to play in. Why, just that morning they were full of ideas of things to do.
What happened?
At first I felt I needed to do something to stop their boredom all the time. If they were just laying around doing “nothing,” I’d pull out a bunch of things, or think up new activities to do, or drop what I was doing and do whatever I could to entertain them.
I mean, I’m an unschooling mother, right? It’s my job to give my kids lots of learning options, to open up the world to them and integrate them into my daily life.
But after awhile I became frustrated. There were times when I really needed to finish doing something…make dinner, finish some cleaning project or just taking a small break for myself. Sometimes they wanted to join me, but other times they didn’t.
I couldn’t keep up with making sure they were “engaged” all the time. So I stopped.
And that’s when I noticed something really amazing. They became much more creative.
Benefit #1 Greater Creativity
They always had great imaginations and loved to pretend play, but when I said, “Sorry, I can’t play with you now, or get something for you right this minute, or keep presenting you with a dozen different options of things to do before you finally say yes,” that’s when I noticed their creativity kicked up a notch.
At first I was about pulling out my hair with their whining. But after I became firm that I couldn’t be with them 24/7 during the day, and they got tired of just sitting on the couch, they’d come up with the most elaborate and complex games together.
Benefit #2 Increased Independence
And it wasn’t just the new games and activities they’d come up with either. They started to acquire new skills and develop a new level of independence, too.
Here are just a few things they’ve learned to do these past six months, mostly by themselves or with a few quick hints from me, all because they were too impatient to wait until I could do it for them:
– Make a toast and jelly sandwich
– Make a cup of hot tea
– Get their breakfast in the morning
– Log into the computer, find their favorite sites, type in phrases of things they want to watch on YouTube
When Jared was three he wanted to go play outside in the snow. I was trying so hard to finish making dinner that I told him it would have to wait. I was pretty surprised when he showed up at the backdoor fully dressed in boots, snow pants, coat, hat and gloves.
Benefit #3 Better Problem-Solving Skills
When kids are bored they not only become more creative, but they become better problem-solvers, too.
They figure out how to get the things they want without help from others.
One day when the kids were 2 ½ we were playing outside in the backyard. I was playing something with Alexa and Jared wanted me to open the garage door so he could get his tricycle out. I told him he needed to wait for a minute since I just started playing with Alexa.
He says, “I’ll be right back,” Then he goes into the house, pushes a chair up to the counter, climbs on top of it so he could reach the garage remote, opens the door, and then runs outside to take out his tricycle.
It’s not that I don’t enjoy doing thing for my kids. I do. There are countless times when they ask me to bring them a snack in the living room, or help them get dressed, or bring them a new toy when they’re taking a bath, and I’m more than happy to do it.
But I can’t do that all the time. I’ve tried it and it only leaves me feeling frustrated and angry.
(I will add that I also don’t expect the kids to drop everything they are doing to help me all the time, either. That wouldn’t be fair. )
We get so used to doing everything for our kids and making sure they are “engaged” at all times, that we’re robbing them of something very precious…the time and opportunity to figure out and do things for themselves.
We might have the interest-led learning thing down. We may be able to respect our children’s choices of what they want to learn and when they want to learn it, but sometimes it’s harder to accept that we need to let them do things by themselves, even if that means saying no sometimes.
We love them so much and want to prevent them from being frustrated, but what we are really doing is setting them up for failure when they’re adults.
What will they do when there isn’t someone around? Isn’t it better to get used to becoming independent gradually instead of having it suddenly thrust upon you when you turn 18?
I hope I’m not sounding like a neglectful parent. I love spending time with my kids. That’s what I do for a big chunk of the day. When they were under the age of 5, that’s pretty much all I did all day long.
But as my kids get older, I can see that me stepping away and having some time for myself is good for all three of us.
I have projects that give me the creative energy that I need. The kids see the things I’m doing, and that sometimes sparks questions or projects of their own.
And even if it doesn’t, when they have times during the day when they know they need to do more things for themselves, they learn so much.
So very, very much.
Photo Credit: John-Morgan
What benefits of boredom do you see in your home?