One day last summer I took the kids to a nearby park. I was enjoying a rare moment of reading alone when I heard a woman gasp. I glanced up at her, and she looked over at me with a scared look on her face.
“Oh my goodness! Is that your son?” she asked.
I immediately had a sick feeling in my stomach and frantically looked around for Jared. I was imagining the worst.
Then I spotted him…up in a tree….having a great time.
I was annoyed at first with the woman for getting me scared, but she genuinely looked frightened for my son. I just didn’t get it. He was five years old. He had been climbing trees since he was three. It wasn’t even a big tree.
I was reminded of that day this past week when I read these two articles: Are Safety-Obsessed Playgrounds Spoiling Our Children? and Obsession with Safety is Ruining Our Playgrounds
The articles do a great job of describing the benefits of allowing children to participate in “risky play.” By eliminating all risks from children’s play we’re not allowing them to master a variety of environments, and we’re creating unrealistic and unnatural fears.
We’re actually increasing the likelihood that our children will get seriously injured when we don’t allow them to take physical risks when they are young.
I was also reminded of a talk I heard at a homeschooling conference in March given by psychologist Peter Gray. He discussed how our obsession with safety is ruining our children’s ability to protect themselves.
About five months ago, Gray wrote a great blog post called How Children Learn Bravery in an Age of Overprotection. In the post, he shared stories of children who were allowed greater freedom in doing things like taking trips alone and finding their way back home using public transportation.
Here’s a quote from the end of the post.
“Nothing in life is without risk. When we deprive our children of taking the risks that they must take to grow in competence, confidence, and courage, we run the greater and ultimately more tragic risk that they will never learn to take charge of their own lives.”
It’s one thing to want to allow our children to take risks; it’s quite another thing to do in practice. In speaking from my own experience, it can be a scary thing sometimes. My son, especially, has always been a big risk taker.
How do I know when it’s a good thing to allow my kids more freedom in risk-taking and when to tell them no?
Here’s 5 questions I ask before allowing my kids to do something I consider risky
1. Will this case permanent harm to themselves or others?
My nephew broke his arm when someone slid down a slide and knocked him over. Sometimes kids will get hurt even if they aren’t doing anything risky at all. We can do some things like sharing tips and advice with our kids to help them navigate potentially harmful situation, but I’ve come to realize that kids will get hurt no matter how hard we try to protect them from danger.
If there’s a chance my kids might get some scrapes and bruises and maybe even a broken bone from doing something risky, than depending on their abilities, I probably will allow them to do it. If there’s a great chance that they’ll die from the situation, then I’ll say no.
2. Will this help them learn how to protect themselves better in the future?
I don’t want to keep the kids away from fire; I want to show them how to be safe around fire by giving them lots of chances to be around it. I don’t want the kids to be afraid of taking public transportation and learning how to get around a city by themselves when they turn 18; I want them to have lots of chances on their own before that to learn how to navigate directions.
3. Is it helping them develop positive risk-taking abilities?
The more your kids embrace positive risk taking the more creative, inventive and curious they will be.
4. Is it helping them push beyond their comfort level?
Did you ever want to do something just a little bit crazy because you wanted to push past a fear you had? If our kids suddenly want to try something a little risky that they’ve never attempted before, they might be tired of being stuck in a comfort zone and want to stretch themselves a bit.
5. Is it helping them develop independence?
Kids don’t just instantly develop all the skills they need to take care of themselves the minute they turn 18. They need years of practice to learn not only the skills they need to provide for themselves, but also the attitudes and beliefs that they can go into strange and new experiences alone and be able to navigate them successfully.
I’d like to leave you with two important resources that will give you a new perspective on why we should be encouraging our children to do some things that many people view as dangerous.
The first is a book called 50 Dangerous Things You Should Let Your Children Do
– Make a Bomb in a Bag
– Squash Pennies on a Railroad Track
– Break Glass
– Go Underground
– Play with Fire
I’d also highly encourage you to watch the TED talk below titled Gever Tulley’s (founder of Tinkering School) 5 Dangerous Things You Should Let Your Children Do.
Photo Credit: carla777@sbcglobal.net
Is it hard or easy for you to allow your children to take risks? What risks have your children taken that have made you nervous?