I recently read a report that said 64% of children age 4 nationwide attend some type of preschool program. Where I live it seems the percentage might even be higher. Besides a few friends who plan on homeschooling when their children are older, I don’t know of a single parent who chose to have her child stay at home instead of being sent to a program three to five days a week.
So, just what is it that parents think preschool will do for their child that he or she couldn’t do just as well at home? I thought about that question a lot and did some research. I also reflected on why we didn’t chose to send our children to preschool in spite of the overwhelming pressure to conform to the majority.
I’ve come up with five main reasons why parents send their children off to preschool: to build social skills, prepare them for school routines, expose them to new ideas, teach them basic skills, and to get a break from their children. I’d like to address each reason in some detail.
I guess I can see where a person would think their child is getting some sort of social benefit from preschool. Yes, it does provide the opportunity to play with other children – provided they attend a very, very play-based preschool, but I think parents have pre-conceived ideas about preschool helping their child learn how to share, play “nice”, get along with others, and so on.
With twenty or so children in a room and maybe three adults, children are not receiving a lot of one-on-one interaction with adults. So, the majority of the time they will be interacting with other children (unless they attend an academic preschool; then they will be spending most of their time sitting still, completing worksheets, receiving direct instruction, ect.). Another child is not going to be a very good person to “teach” other children acceptable ways to interact with others because they are still learning these themselves!
Because of the high ratio of children to adults, the adults are not going to be there for every interaction that takes place between the children. And, I actually think this is good. Children need to interact with each other, to figure out how to act respectfully with others, without having someone constantly hovering over them, but they do need an adult to be there right away if needed for guidance and to insure a child feels physically and emotionally safe. They also need A LOT of adult modeling in this area and need the majority of their interactions to be with those older than them who are already skilled in this area.
But do they need to be sent away from parents to learn these skills? My kids get so many opportunities to play with other children. Neighbors come over to play, there are always children at playgrounds, parks and children museums for them to interact with, and they go by friend’s houses frequently. In the past when they have wanted to, they’ve also participated in sports and farm classes with other children. The difference is I am there, too. If they need me, they know I’ll be there.
Some people may think this will make children too clingy, or too dependent on parents; children should be independent, learn how to be away from their parents, right? I’ve found the opposite to be true. As my children moved away from their toddler years, they have been able to make instant friends with just about anyone. They haven’t had to experience being separated from me when they weren’t ready and don’t fear having to be removed from a source of comfort before they made the choice themselves. They now run freely from my side and often will not even check in with me for long periods of time at a playground because they know they can come back whenever they need to.
Parents also send their children to preschool because they believe it will prepare them for school rules and routines. I absolutely believe preschools WILL do this for their children. Children attending preschool will know how to sit still without moving until told, raise their hand and not talk until they have permission, to finish drawing their pictures quickly because the class has to move on to something else, to stand in line and stop jumping around, and to not ask so many questions during the story.
I guess that is fine if you believe those skills are important for children to learn. However, I believe the children who graduate from institutional schools will not be prepared to be innovators, experimenters, entrepreneurs, creative thinkers, and unique problem-solvers. Jobs are changing rapidly in our society. More and more our society will need people who take initiative on their own and not wait for someone to tell them what to do. We need people who can guide their own day, discover problems that need to be solved, be able to focus on something they consider important without being constantly interrupted, think on their own, and make their own plans without needing to gain approval from someone else first.
Children who do not attend preschool and then go right to kindergarten might have some problems with constantly being told what to do if they are not used to that. Some very independently minded children who are brilliant thinkers might be labeled ADD or something similar because of this, too. But, most children will soon realize what they need to do to stay under the radar, to fit in, to conform. It won’t take long.
I realize a few people have limited choices and need to send their children somewhere due to financial reasons. That’s a tough situation to be in. I also suspect some people will think their children are having a great time at preschool, that they love it. And that may be true. I’m just trying to present another way to look at the issue.
Instead of blindly making a decision to send your child to preschool, why not consider why you are making the decision and see if your goals are truly being met by sending your child to spend his or her day away from you?
In the next post, I will address the other three reasons parents are most likely to send their child to preschool. It’s my hope that in reading these posts, you will consider your choices carefully and not make the choice simply on what everyone around you is doing.
Children who will go on to attend an institutional school will be there for the next thirteen years. Your children are little for such a short period of time. I know how difficult it can be at times to be their constant companion. It can be exhausting and frustrating. But it can feel so good knowing you’ve spent those few precious years learning and growing together, developing a trusting, deep relationship that will build a strong foundation for your future relationship with them, too.
Photo credit: Pink Sherbet Photography