Someone asked on Twitter the other day what was the most essential tool I use in educating my kids at home.
Several things came to mind: the library, the internet, free community events, games, cool iPhone apps, science kits and DVDs.
But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that all those things don’t make any difference at all if I don’t have a strong, trusting relationship with my children.
I can take them to amazing places, I can order fun games, we can learn about tons of new things, but if my kids don’t trust me enough to know that I’ll put their needs first, and that playing with them and spending time with them is much more important to me than introducing them to skills and subjects, than all those other things might just as well not even be a part of our lives.
Our lives can be so busy. We can have so many activities scheduled, so many really good things we’re doing for others, and so many projects we want to get done, that we sometimes forget what is most important: building up our relationships with our kids.
So, how do I do that? How can I grow closer to my kids every day?
I can:
* Look at them and listen to them when they talk to me and ask me questions (which can be tiring when sometimes there are dozens and dozens of questions a day!)
* Spend time every single day doing something with them that they really want to do with me (even if that means wrestling, playing Spiderman or something else I’d never think to do, or for that matter want to do, on my own)
* Look for little ways to do things for them that they enjoy
* Ask them lots of questions (curious, interested ones, not prying, nagging ones) and validate what they think is important.
These may seem simple things to do, but how often do we get caught up in all the activities and other things we are excited to do, and put off these other things as just “extras” or nice things to do if we can fit them in?
If we’ve had a busy day of doing errands, doctor appointments and other things outside the home, and there’s just a little time before dinner, and your children ask you to play a pretend game, what do you do?
Do you try to persuade them to play that new math game you just bought, one that you know they will like because they picked it out with you, because it seems a better way to spend your time than building a pretend ship to sail to a pretend land?
When your kids get up in the morning, bursting into the kitchen, excited about playing a new game with you that they made up, do you cringe a little because you thought you’d pull out that new science kit because you haven’t don’t anything sciency for awhile?
I’ve been there and done that plenty of times.
When you learn at home with your kids, especially if you’re taking the interest-led learning approach, you’re doing a lot of fun things with them all the time. You’re doing things with them that you all enjoy doing. You spend a lot of time with your kids.
So it’s easy to forget to spend time with them every day just talking about their dreams and interests, just hanging out together and relaxing, playing and doing things with them without worrying about the learning they will get out of it (although you do know that whatever they’re doing they’ll be learning anyway, right J)
I need to be reminded of this all the time.
If you only have time to do one thing today with your children, make sure it’s something that grows your relationship even closer. For every child that will be different. For some it will be entering their pretend play world. For others it will mean creating a work of art with them. And for others it might mean taking a walk and just listening to them talk.
Whatever it is, do it today. And the next day. And the next.
Nurture your relationships and the rest will take care of itself.
Photo Credit: Spirit-Fire